KNOW YOUR PIRATES!
by Ekari Turone
Summary: When Know Your Stars meets Pirates of the Caribbean. THE hOrRoR!
1. Chapter 1

Ekari: ok, this story is the product of eating like 3 italian ices and cappucino.

Furfaidz: SKITTLES SMOKE THE RAINDOW: We had a blast with this one, Ekari is good at making names:D You'll see why ;P

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**Jack Sparrow walks in with his girly prance, waving his arms around. **

"Where am I? I was told there'd be rum. two things a man should never lie about: money and rum."

_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..._

" VODKA!"

_Jack Sparrow..._

" It's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow."

_CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow..._

**Jack sits next to the chair.**

_Jack Sparrow, he's actually Johnny Depp_

" Johnny who? No, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow- I'm not that gay fag, Johnny Depp."

_Pft...hehehe... Jack Sparrow... he had a crush on his 2nd grade teacher..._

" I'm a PIRATE, Savvy, I didn't go to school. Besides, he wasn't my type."

_Jack Sparrow... he's not really a pirate... he's a ballerina..._

" WHAT THE censored!? I'M A BLOODY PIRATE! A CAPTAIN!!"

_Jack Sparrow... he plays with Barbies..._

" What's a 'Barbie'?"

_A small doll with blond hair and blue eyes and a perfect body..._

" Like the one I did last night?"

" 'Ello?"

_Jack...Sparrow... _ummm_... he has a naked Will Turner poster in his cabin..._

" Sorry, but my first and only love is the sea."

_That's not what you said last night._

" Who is this?"

_Um- Elizabeth paid me!!_

" Barbie?"

_Jack Sparrow, he picks his bogers when the camera is off.._

" I especially like the red ones."

_Jack Sparrow, he actually DID get Will Turner to do strange things to his dog... whose name is Timmy..._

" I don't know what you're talking about!"

_Bibbity bobbity boo_

_" _Stop saying wierd words! It hurts!!"

_Jack Sparrow, he's a eunuch.. not Will..._

_"_ Mama said nobody would tell!"

_Jack Sparrow, he owns a neopet.._

" Cybunnies are hard to get, you know."

_The reason he doesn't want to hold his compass is because he doesn't want treasure.. he wants Davy Jones.._

" Hee-hee..NOT TRUE!! I SWEAR!!"

_Jack Sparrow, his real name is Juan Carols Julio Ramiro Del Rosa Montoya Sparrow the Third..._

" Soooooomedaaaaaaaay over the rainbow!!!"

_And now you know Juan Carols Julio Ramiro Del Rosa Montoya Sparrow the Third, a neopets owning, Davy Jones loving, ballrina eunuch, Barbie owning, boger eating, Will Turner fangirl who pretends to be a pirate..._

" That's not who I really am! I'm CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow! Come back! COME BACK! I NEEEEED YYYOOOOUUUU!!!!"


	2. Chapter 2

Ekari: I went to the store so Furfaidz has to write everything!

Fufaidz: I'm Jesus's b!tch.

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**Will Turner walks in to the room. There is a chair in the middle of the room.**

" Hm, that chair looks quite comfy."

**He sits in the chair.**

_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..._

" 'Ello? Who's there?"

_Will Turner..._

" But _I'm_ Will Turner."

_Will Turner... He's close cousins with Jack Black..._

" Jack who?"

_Will Turner_, _the only orgasim he's had was over his mom..._

" That is quite disturbing. Why would you say something like that?"

_Will Turner... he still thinks there is a boogey man under his bed..._

" That's quite a lie."

_Will Turner, in middle school he was called 'Rainbow Man'..._

" I never went to middle school!"

_Will Turner, he's cheating on Elizabeth with Jack Sparrow..._

" It's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow! And I'm not cheating on Elizabeth with Jack!"

_Will Turner, he likes to smell other men..._

" That's discusting!"

_Will Turner, he has a fake nose..._

" ... "

_Like Michael Jackson..._

" No I don't!"

_Will Turner... while in Tortuga, he slept with five different girls... one man..._

" That's idiot's talk! I would NEVER- well, I did enjoy the man."

_Will Turner... he raps about his gangsta life in the hood..._

" The only thing I rap is my arms around my love!"

Aw... Jack...

"No!"

**Jack walks in. **" Hey, sexy."

**Will makes a funny face. **" Well, 'ello..."

_Will Turner... he likes to suck Elizabeth's toes..._

" Ew! That's so nastay!"

_... Will... Turner... he has pokemon porn under his matress..._

" Pokemon porn?"

**Jack turns to Will and whispers** "remember??"

" Oh yeeeaahh..."

_And now you know the Elizabeth cheating, Jack loving, fake nose, boogey man believing, pokemon porn reading, gagsta rapping, other men smelling, cousin to Jack Black, orgaism over mom, toe sucking, Rainbow Man._

" Stop calling me that!" **Will starts crying** " Such bad memories..."

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Furfaidz: Ga! I can't believe Ekari made me do all this work... 

Ekari walks in

Ekari: Gasp- I'm ALIVE!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Ekari: OK, due to a request from J.B. Duenweg, we're doing Lord Cutler Beckett

Furfaidz: Oh, she was one of my favorite characters!

Ekari: Beckett is a guy.

Furfaidz: _You_ aren't the one who walked into his cabin unexpected, Ekari. Trust me, I know.

ThunderBender Princess: That was something I really didn't need to know.

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**Lord Cutler Becket walks into the room and emediatly sits in the chair.**

" My chair! I claimed it first! Mine!"

_Know your stars, know your stars,know your stars..._

" Who's there? Show yourself!"

_Lord Cutler Beckett..._

" Who are you?!"

_Lord Cutler Beckett... he's secretly a cross-dresser..._

" No I do not!"

_Lord Cutler Beckett... the reason he's so mean is because he's pregnant..._

" I am a man!"

_Are you sure about that?..._

" I bathe myself everyday! I'm sure!"

_We believe you... Lord Cutler Beckett... The reason he wanted Will Turner arrested is because he wants his own personal pole dancer..._

" This is ridiculous!"

_Lord Cutler Beckett... He wears womans underwear..._

" It's so comfortable!"

_Lord Cutler Beckett... breifs, not boxers..._

" Why I never!"

_Lord Cutler Beckett... he only has one pubic hair..._

" _gasp _Don't talk naughty about Steve!"

_Lord Cutler Beckett... the reason his wig's so white is because he applies pidgeon-_

" ENOUGH! I will not be tolerated in this fasion!"

_Would you like a muffin?_

" Yes, please."

_Lord Cutler Beckett... The reason he hates Will is because he's taller than him._ _

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Furfaidz: Ga! Okay, Ekari's turn._ _Thunder: Can I have a turn?_ _Ekari: Your already helping me with my other POTC story.

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_

ahahaha my turn! mwahahahhaha!

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_Lord Cutler Beckett...when no one looks, he likes to sing "Man, I feel like a woman" and dance around..._

"WHO TOLD YOU-i mean, thats absolutely untrue!"

_Lord Cutler Beckett...your fired..._

"WHAT!?"

_Now you know, lord cutler beckett...the chair-claiming,pregnant cross-dresser who wears womens' boxers , sings "Man, i feel like a woman", and is fired..._

"What the?! they dont know me at all! WHO ARE YOU! i want your name and rank! its the firing squad for you!"


	4. Chapter 4

**mmmmkay...here is...Norrington! BTW sooo sorry for forgetting this fic! **

**As Always: **

**Boldaction**

_ItalicsAnnouncer_

regular Victim...er...guest...

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**Commodore James Norrington strides in. Seeing a chair, he sits down. **

This is an odd place for a chair...

_Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars..._

Who's this?

_James Norrington...The real reason he didn't go after Jack Sparrow right away is because he had a mani-pedi that day..._

Totally untrue! It was merely in fair play that I allowed him a day's head start!

_Riighhht...James Norrington...He's an idiot..._

I AM NOT!

_Are too!_

Am Not!

_Are too!_

Am not!

_Is not!_

Are too-CURSE YOU!

_James Norrington...His deepest desire is to be an exotic dancer at the doll house..._

The WHAT!?I assure you my deepest desire is to become commander of the British Royal Navy!

_riiight...James Norrington...He stutters sometimes..._

It's true...I stutter when I'm angry...

_Well. maybe you should join alchoholics anonymous..._

What does THAT have to do with ANYTHING!

_James Norrington...He doesn't know he's on national television..._

What's national television??

_It's big words for the whole world can see you..._

WHAT!?

_James Norrington...I told all the fangirls where to find you...!_

**The door opens and a horde of girls stands on the threshold..."GET HIM!!!" **

**Norrington jumps up and runs away,frightened out of his wits. **

_Now you know...James Norrington...The Mani-pedi getting, stuttering-alchoholic idiot whose fangirls know where he is..._

If I werent running for my life right now, I would run you through with my sword!

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Ok, so you guys know the drill...review review review...oh, and please no flames!!!

WILL BE TAKING REQUESTS ON WHO TO...ERRR...INTERVIEW NEXT


	5. Chapter 5

**Ekari: OK, heeeeeeeeerrrrrrreeeeeeeessss Davy Jones!!!!!

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**

**Davy Jones comes in and notices the chair.**

What is this then?

_Know your stars... Know your stars... know your stars..._

Who be that?

_Davy Jones... He never had a girlfriend... ever!_

What? Haven't ye ever heard of Calypso?

_You probably made her up. What a freak._

How dare you talk to Davy Jones like that!

_Davy Jones... He puts his tentacles on his beard in curlers every night._

WHAT?!? Who told you?!? How'd you know?!?! I WANT NAMES!!!!

_Davy Jones... He's married to the kraken._

Wha-? How can I be married to a creature ten times me own size?!

_I don't know. Why don't you ask your imaginary girlfriend Calypso._

Is that you, Sparrow?

_No... but he did pay me... in rum. hic._

Typical Sparrow.

_Davy Jones... He watches Beyblade at 8:30 every night..._

... What is Beyblade? Some new form of ship?

_Davy Jones... he's so poor his sword is plastic!_

**The chair is empty.**

_Uh... Davy? Where are you?_

**The booth door is opened.**

Heeeres DAVY!

_AIIIEEE!!!!!_

Tell me Mr. Announcer... Do you fear death?

_Um... hold that thought. That's it for know your stars, and this may very well be my last. I think I can still outrun Davy with that crab leg thing. Bye!_

**The announcer runs. Davy comes after him, sword flailing.**

Come back here you lily livered cockroach!!!

_Sorry! I'm mean, not stupid!_

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**Ekari: OK, hope you enjoy! as always...please review! and request who i should torture...uh,...interview next**. Oh, and thunderbenderprincess helped a LOT!

TBP: You're welcome!


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